There are fewer things more scary and nerve-wracking than taking away something that has been a soother and a saving grace for the last 30 months but that’s exactly what we did 10 days ago. The binky is on its way out.
It was a Sunday afternoon and Sky was near the end of his nap, still snoozing away, when I went in there, took the Binky, and stood in the kitchen and hesitantly….ever so carefully….and with a huge deep breath…..cut the tip off. It felt like throwing my childhood blanket off a bridge into a giant river that would wash it out to sea. I was dreadfully scared of what would happen when Sky woke up and realized that his most prized possession was forever broken.
I fully realize that Sky’s reliance on his binky and my trepidation on taking it away, is probably due to my own fears and dependencies more than his. I sucked my thumb until I was nearing 4th grade {!!!} and had a blanket FOREVER {in fact, it’s in our linen closet carefully folded up right now} and I can remember how hard it was to give both of those things up. They are vivid memories in my brain so in some weird way, I feel like I know how Sky is feeling when he’s missing what he needs. I also know that so many MANY times, the binky was not only a relief to Sky, but a relief for me. The one way I could make him stop crying, screaming, whining, or fall asleep when nothing else seemed to work and I felt like I was going to go off the edge in those early days.
On the other hand, I really believe that some kids just need that sort of tactile soothing more than other kids. Some only need it for a little while and some need it for longer. Sky was never one to play with his binky very much or use it for other purposes. When he wanted it, he WANTED it, and he legitimately sucked on it the entire time. Not like that justifies him using it for 2 ½ years, but I’ve always felt like Sky was one of those babies/early toddlers who was reserved, and scared in new situations and needed that extra comfort {especially in big group settings with lots of room for over-stimulation}.
Surprisingly, the great cutting of the binky was not as bad as I envisioned. The fact that he could still see/hold it gave him reassurance {I think} and instead of going into a frenzy about where the binky went, he clutched it in his hand and said “it’s broken”. When we all concluded that it could not be fixed, he slowly….slowly came to terms with this new reality. What’s interesting now is that at 10 days in….he is still attached to it and asks for it when he can’t find it. He can’t actually suck on it, but he holds it in his teeth to go to sleep and still uses it very much the same way he did before, with a few exceptions where he’s napped without it. Hmm.
And, something else that happened? He quickly turned into a tantrum-ridden, possessed, devil child at home. EVERYTHING sets him off and the meltdowns are inconsolable and last for what seems like days. They are the kind of episodes that make you never want to have another child and leave you questioning if you are failing as a parent BIG TIME. Out in public or at other people’s homes, he will be ok. But the second we pick him up, it all goes downhill. I’m sure this could just be a phase, or maybe he’s getting another molar….but it seemed to kick in directly in sync with when the binky went away.
Time will tell how this ends up but for now, we are chugging along…
I’d love to hear your binky {or thumb sucking story} if you have one!
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